But ya gotta have friends…

by Crystal Lucas

A year ago when my husband informed me he wanted a divorce I realized just how isolated I had become. I really only had one person in my local area I would consider a friend. Sure I, like most people in today’s modern society I have “friends” on social media. But I really realized just how alone I was. Fighting this battle alone, left to raise kids alone, with no support system. Nobody to be there to hold me while I cried as I mourned the end of my marriage. Or to cheer for me as I started to gain my feet again. I had my kids and that was it. While I love my kids there is so much that they shouldn’t have to see or feel and their mothers deep mourning is one of them.

I started looking at why I isolated myself, and deciding what I should do about it. Evaluating what kind of people I want in my life and then I slowly started adding people who are kind, generous, funny, lighthearted individuals. People who like me enjoy helping each other, laughing and sharing a good meal. People who aren’t afraid to do dirty work, or cheer me on as I do my work. Finding like minded individuals who like to go out and play at the park or on the beach. Friends who want to hike or fish, dance, listen to music.

The more curious question I find myself pondering is how did I allow myself to become so isolated? How did it become acceptable for me to have no friends who come over and enjoy a BBQ or help bust out projects? How did I make excuses for this behavior that prevented me from having friends? His jealousy and constant accusations made it so uncomfortable after friends would leave that I slowly stopped inviting anyone to be a part of my life. If I went anywhere without him I was accused of having an affair, ironic since he’s the one that wound up cheating. I stopped looking people I met in the eye, I stopped laughing with people, I quit inviting friends over because he would constantly tell me how I was doing something wrong. The manipulation was so intense that I learned to put distance between me and anyone else I may have come in contact with.

About 6 months ago as I was doing therapy I realized just how isolated I had become. I missed the physical connection of friends, family, people you laugh with who enrich your life in a million little ways. I slowly started feeling my way into this space where I am finding friends again. Where I am meeting people who make me laugh. I am enjoying hanging out with people and making friends who are supportive, kind and who can joke without there being fear of belittlement coming at me.

As a friend I am someone who wants to help and support my friends too. It makes me happy to just be able to be there in whatever way possible for my friends. If I can I will. I have learned new healthy boundaries for myself too, and if it’s not possible for me to do something I’m ok with saying no. But for a friend I will go the extra mile.

So if you are a new friend, thanks for being a part of the journey to finding a healthier me. Thanks for helping me step back out of the shadows and for helping me make healthy choices. If you are one of the few who has been there through it and watched from the sidelines thank you for still loving me, and even more for being excited for the changes for the better happening in my life.

Getting relief from chronic pain

by Crystal Lucas

As the ache of pain has subsided in my life, both the chronic pain I have lived with and the fierce pain of a shattered heart, I am discovering a new person in my skin. One with drive and passion and a sense of adventure. A friend says let’s go and I say yes instead of “if I’m having a good day”. That in itself is amazing, but the why is even more amazing!

Back in December of 2018 while my world was crumbling I took a leap of faith and joined a gym. So outside my comfort zone that I didn’t know if I would continue, or if I would even accomplish much. I mean I still have fibromyalgia and there are still pain days, but I had to do something different. I couldn’t sit by on the sidelines of life anymore… Wondering… Dreaming… And hoping for something better to come along. I had to take control and do it! I had started taking CoreAo on the 31st of July, the infussion of anti inflammatory properties helped my body so much that it gave me movement back. So I was primed and ready to go. I also hired a personal trainer, and my first trainer was amazing, guiding me through motions that were completely new! Her schedule got busy as she entered a competition and I switched trainers. I opted to switch to my friend who also has been cupping me to help with problem areas. She is learning all about fibro in a very detailed way. Learning some of the insane ways that fibro reacts and what causes more inflammation and what to avoid. Let me tell you folks, don’t let fibro hold you stagnant. It’s the kiss of death. Moving hurts, doing to much hurts, being still hurts.

The start of the journey in healing

As I have progressed on this journey I have found that my emotional torment of an unfaithful husband who was controlling and manipulative contributed a good deal to my physical pain. It magnified how much pain I was in and how my body responded to pain on any level. The body has a natural fight or flight response and stress is a trigger for that response. However when you are living in a bad situation that maybe you mentally aren’t acknowledging your body still has the triggers and is storing the response which is then converted to pain.

When we start living more authentically and relieving the stress we find the pain starts to daminish. Pain receptors are tied to fascia, and fascia is our bodies first response in the fight or flight trigger. Fascia is a connective tissue that is throughout our bodies. In every person I know with fibromyalgia they have bound fascia. Bound fascia triggers pain.

As I have worked through emotional triggers, and worked on fixing my fascia, my inflammation through out my body and cleaned up my diet I am down to manageable pain levels. I have an average pain day of 2 on bad days and they are few and far between. I now am working out lifting weights building muscles, and working on my fascia every day. Not a day goes by that I don’t work on something with my body.

I’m down from a size 20 to a size 12/14. But even more importantly I’m feeling free. I’m free of pain, free of weight, and building muscle and feeling like a whole new me. I laugh easily now. I have more energy to do the fun things and less desire to be home bound. I love exploring and doing something new with my new found energy.

The knowledge I have gained combined with my coaching certifications are what is propelling me to help others in the kind of pain I lived with for to many years. If you suffer chronic pain and want a coach to help get you on track get in touch with me.

Tarot Tuesday

by Crystal Lucas

Sometimes we all need a positive uplifting message and the keepers of the light deck is perfect for this. This deck is filled with spiritual beings from many Faith’s who represent the light of the the Creator.

Today I did a one card draw specifically to share on my blog for Tarot Tuesday.

The Holy Spirit
Expect Miracles

The card for the day is a reminder that Love is the most important. Love is the true emotion of the light and when we live in love miracles can occur. Love is the source of the light, and when we focus on love we create and hold space for more love to flow into our lives from The Creator. This card also serves to remind us that we are always surrounded by angels, and when we leave behind the things that are no longer serving our greater good flowing within our heart space we can expect miracles to happen.

May you be reminded to allow love to flow. Love for yourself first, then love for each person in your life. Feel the love from Creator and then into everything you do.

Stay tuned next Tuesday for a new keepers of the light card.

Another job…

by Crystal Lucas

Aside from working at the gym several days a week I recently was hired to be the Marketing & Advertising representative for Our Soul Oasis, the e-zine I write for. As the e-zine has grown I have picked up more business and blogging has taken a little back seat.

Advertising & Marketing Representative

I love this e-zine and helping others gain publicity for their businesses is a wonderful way to spend my day.

We are building up to a busy fall starting with a giveaway that will be see on national TV. I am participating in the give away, with a free intuitive reading as well as a coaching session. You will have to go to Our Soul Oasis to enter the contest. Then we have our regular editions coming out and a shoppers catalog for the holidays!

All of this is happening all while I’m trying to finalize the divorce, raising teens and preparing to move closer to my family back out west coast. My kids and I decided that family was most important, my sister had a baby and my brother and his family moved closer to her. We knew the time was coming for us to pack up and go back towards family. Having people you can trust and build on is going to be of the utmost importance as we rebuild our lives.

I love blogging, and will continue to do so, even if it is sporadic right now with life being messy. So stay tuned to learn more about all the ongoing events. I am certain there will be some adventures to tell shortly.

What is Intuition anyway?

by Crystal Lucas

First let me start by saying we all have intuition, But some people have spent so many years ignoring their own that they don’t understand what it is or how to tap into it. Even someone like me who has spent years honing my skills as an Intuitive reader glosses over my own intuition at times. So I thought it would be good to discuss what Intuition is and how to practice listening to it more often.

I believe intuition is given to us by Creator to help guide us. Spirit gives us nudges and helps us to be better at listening if we are willing to be still and listen. Intuition, when unnoticed is a small voice. We may think of it as our conscience, helping guide us in what is right and wrong, but it’s so much more than that!

The dictionary definition of the word Intuition say’s it is a direct perception of truth, fact, ect independent of any reasoning process. Further exploration of the definition says it is a keen and quick insight. Insight is not quick if we do not hone the ability to listen to it. However we can take steps to learn to listen and practice that listening so that it becomes quick.

For me when I tap into my intuition I know everything is going exactly as it should be for my highest good. I may get a fluttery feeling in the pit of my stomach or sometimes it comes with an intense deja vu. We all have those moments where we could swear this has all happened before. I tend to pay attention and start recalling information from what else I remember from that moment. Sights, sounds, smells, tastes, what else my other senses are picking up. How it makes me feel; excited, scared, happy, peaceful etc.

I started noticing I would have intuitive feelings about events or things happening in my life as young as 2 or 3 years of age. I would just notice that I could tell if something good or bad was going to happen. I didn’t know that it was a gift of insight or something I could practice more often until I was much older. As I grew up I learned that my Intuition could help me guide other’s, as I was able to tap into what could be good for someone else. I love that I can share my abilities with other’s and can help give insights they may not understand for themselves. However I am a teacher at heart and will always try to help other’s grow.

So how does one learn to hone their own intuition? It starts by getting quiet. meditation is a wonderful tool for this. learning to just be still and be quiet. listen to your own inner voice, that is your soul whispering to you what you need to know. Prayer, asking for guidance from our guides who have agreed to walk with us on the other side to help us get through the hard stuff. To guide us to do the things we need to achieve the learning we need here. Once you have practiced the getting quiet part you will start to notice the nudges you feel. Do you have a big decision to make? Getting quiet and listening is the best way to practice listening to your intuition. Sometimes you know instantly when something is going to be right for you, and other times you need to think about it for a bit. Feel your way into it. Sometimes intuition is that sudden panic of O no don’t do that! Or it is the subtle, i think I’ll walk instead of ride the bus today, only later you find out that bus broke down and would have caused a delay in your schedule. We sometimes don’t know why we do certain things but suddenly find ourselves doing them and that is always our guides and intuition leading the way.

Firsts are still hard

by Crystal Lucas

When a relationship ends suddenly the year of firsts is heartbreaking.

This year, for the first time in 25 years my husband couldn’t be bothered to wish me a happy mother’s day. Before our first child was even born he got me a card, I was just pregnant with her and he brought home flowers and made me feel loved and special. Last year he gave me a card and flowers even though we were having problems. This year I don’t even get a text. It’s as if he would rather erase the last 25 years and invalidate the fact that I have been a loving and devoted mom and wife for 25 years.

My kids were amazing and we spent the day together but the man who helped me create these amazing kids couldn’t even wish me the best. It shouldn’t be much of a surprise. He doesn’t even talk to his own kids beyond a rare text. It’s going on a month since the last time he texted our youngest. His priorities are completely different.

While it shouldn’t surprise me, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt. If I said that every first without him still feels like a knife slicing into my heart to make fresh new cuts for me to bleed from a new.

I see people every day who have been together as long as we have who still manage to be friends. While divorce isn’t anything I wanted. It’s what I have to deal with. What i can’t understand is why it has to be this way?

His actions continue to hurt his kids and I but it’s also pushing us closer together in ways I hadn’t imagined. I have always encouraged them to respond when he reaches out. But when he goes more than a month between speaking to them they tend to believe that he is choosing his girlfriend over them and I can’t say a word about it. Only sit and hold them or support them.

Having to accept another person’s choices that are so different than the person they used to be is devastating, but seeing him for who he has become is very much empowering me.

This road has many twists and turns and eventually it leads to my being healed from all of this.

Kitchen renovations

by Crystal Lucas

When my husband and I bought The Wayne House I had so many plans for this home to be brought out of the 1970’s while keeping the integrity of a 100+ year old farm house.

Renovations can be expensive and time consuming. So we did a little here and a little there. Then a short 4 years later I find myself separated and it looks like I will be leaving this house much sooner than I ever dreamed of.

However I couldn’t leave the the kitchen half finished. Keeping with the farmhouse feel I have looked at many options for countertops. I just didn’t feel that most of the options for countertops we’re appropriate for this house.

Then I discovered shou sugi ban, a Japanese wood burning technic. The thought formulated to use this technic to make beautiful countertops out of solid wood…

I chose a local eastern Carolina pine in thick wide planks.

I have never seen anything more stunning, as I am coating everything with sealant it just becomes more amazing.

The kitchen cabinets will be getting a fresh coat of paint as well as the walls and the new open shelves. These new countertops however are a crowning glory. Unique, beautiful and fitting for the farmhouse feel.
shou sugi ban protects the wood from pests as well as from water. This makes it a good finish for the countertops. I am also coating it with a polyurethane lacquer. This will seal the wood without making it thick.

I can’t wait to unveil the entire kitchen with before and after pictures.

A fine line

by Crystal Lucas

I don’t think I ever fully grasped the saying “its a fine line between love and hate” until now.

Yesterday as I stood in my half renovated kitchen angry at the entire situation I find myself in. Angry at the man who put me here and angry at the world that just moves on even with my heart still shattered into a million pieces, it dawned on me how a person can do both. I do. I hate this man and yet I still love him.

I stood there washing the dishes that had piled up while I worked because every adult in my house works and its just two teens who have had to take on more than any teens should be forced to. I saw clearly how much I hate this man because his selfish choices are hurting me and my kids. How much I hate who he has become and I hate how much he hurts our kids. I despise this person. This person doesn’t deserve my awesome kids, the ones I am raising alone now. The ones who step up in a million tiny ways. The ones who see me come home at night and know how exhausted I am. The kids who see the tears I can’t hold back or hide. So as I stood there washing dishes preparing to finish the renovations on this kitchen so that we can have some semblance of normal in an otherwise insane world I sobbed. Washing dishes, being in the kitchen used to be my favorite thing. It was the place I showed my family my love in all the home cooked meals, in all the moments spent together laughing and cooking. It was the heart of our family, he would come in and wrap his arms around me while I cooked or washed dishes kissing the back of my neck and telling me how much he appreciated me. That was before. Before he walked out. Before he stopped caring. Now I am left to pick up the pieces and he just ignores us as if the last 25 years meant nothing. As if all those promises didn’t matter.

So I angry cried. The injustice of everything happening has me seeing just how easy it is to hate this man for doing all this to our family.

It is easy to hate in these instances and harder to find the ways to be the loving kind and compassionate person I strive to be. It is hard to admit that I also still love this man. He is the father of my kids and the man I promised to love forever. His choices cut my soul and his lies and the lies of his new girlfriend rip my battered and bruised heart even more. I however can not deny that I still love him, thus causing the paradox of love and hate in my heart. Hate is an ugly thing, it festers like a tiny sliver just under the skin. left untreated it will cause infection that will ruin your soul. Hate can be a good driving force to get things done, but using it in such a way only feeds it instead of diminishing it. Hating him only causes me more pain, and yet I still can’t get it out of my heart.

So I went to bed praying for my husband, Because we are still married, albeit seperated and on our way to divorce, I suppose since he wont talk to me. I prayed for him to see the truth of his actions. I prayed for him to find himself (the true self that he has always been) and I prayed for him to find forgiveness for himself. I quit praying for him to come back to me because the truth is each day he chooses anyone else over his wife and kids is another day he chooses to hurt us and I just don’t see any way back from that. But I do hope that one day, sooner rather than later, he gets real professional help and can start to make amends for the sake of our kids. That one day He will choose to see all the hurt he caused and he will choose to start to make it right.

As for me, I am still angry today. angry that he has this much control over me, angry that I am still so hurt by all of this. Angry that I am in this situation. Angry that I can’t just walk away from all we had planned together too. Angry that I allowed myself to be financially dependant on a man who promised to love me and take care of me forever. I chose to stay home and raise our kids, but he also chose for me to do so and then he walked out knowing that I would have no way to support myself or our kids. I am working hard to change that, but entry level jobs don’t pay much and teens still need me. I am still homeschooling which means that in my “spare” time I am working on all the other things that take priority. It’s like doing the job of a handful of people only I am one person.

Now I understand fully how you can love and hate a person. I try to focus on the love but everything is a balance. I can’t ignore the hate either. I just hope I can learn to not allow it to consume me, festering with infection.

Healing isn’t linear

by Crystal Lucas

As a fibro warrior I am constantly tweaking my diet to see what I can change to improve my health.

I gave up gluten 3 years ago. As it turns out this was the best thing I could have done both for my health and my fitness goals. This picture shows the change clearly. The only thing in my diet or life that had changed at this point was the absence of gluten in my diet. Removing gluten was the first thing to reduce the puffiness. One of the biggest things I have found with fibro is inflammation chronically causes more pain. Gluten causes inflammation.

So the last few weeks I have been so busy working that I hadn’t remembered to order my supplements, the CoreAo, smart and balance spray I have been using. I’m even running low on my magnesium and my vitamin d. While most people would be in a panic I decided to hold off on ordering after the first week. I had two CoreAo stiks and 1 smart stik set aside so I could experiment some.

So it’s been about two weeks now without the CoreAo and while I am still functioning and not in drastic pain or worse flaring after working, going to the gym to work out, coming home and working on finishing projects I am noticing inflammation in areas. For example for the last two weeks I have had swelling that I thought was my knee. But it turns out it’s really coming from my hip, the hip keeps slipping forward, this causes the hamstring and the quad to over compensate working to hard and not properly. My personal trainer had given me stretches to do and things to balance it out but it wasn’t fixing the problem. The last two days I decided to go ahead and take my CoreAo and that with the stretches has finally reduced the swelling and the muscles are back to normal. No more pain and discomfort.

The smart I have held out longer. I know that I am functioning better but I can see the lack of focus and the bits of brain fog creeping in some days. Especially on days when I have to work a register and focus on money. Just one smart has already cleared the foggyness.

I am also using CBD oil and wanted to see if that alone would make a difference. I notice that it helps as well but alone it can not do the job of all the things happening in my body. It’s a good addition but not the only thing.

In the past two weeks I have noticed a difference in my sleep as well. I’m waking up more tired and needing to sleep longer.

So my experience tells me that the supplements are helping my body heal and I need to keep up with them.

Yes I am functioning but slowly noticing pain coming back and I am tired of living with any pain. Healing my body is my top priority and I’m getting there slowly.

If you suffer from chronic pain and want help getting a handle on your pain so that you can function more normally I am just a message away.

The fallout is always the kids.

by Crystal Lucas

Recently my daughter felt the need to take to social media and put it out there just how bad she feels about her father’s choices and how it makes her feel unimportant. How heartbreaking it’s been for her and her younger brother.

This is something I struggle with because I see the pain it’s caused them every single day. I watch the little ways that they both have changed. They are less trusting, less carefree. They both see how hard I’m trying and they both are stepping up in ways that makes me feel both proud and a little guilty because they shouldn’t have to. It was our job as parents to protect them from this and his choice to walk away wasn’t just from me, he walked away from them too. All the things that they expected him to be there for; birthdays, holidays, driving, graduating, celebrations, weddings. The list goes on and on.

I know for myself I never imagined doing any of the things I’m doing alone now. So I can understand their anger and hurt. My goal is to try and get them through the hurt and anger without belittling their feelings.

They are not children, they are teens. They understand far more than most people realize. The hardest thing I’ve had to do is listen to their anger and not feed it. The truth is they feel angry about all the same things I do. So not feeding the anger but rather trying to explain that they have a right to their feelings, but let’s try to find some compassion. Trying to encourage them to respond if he decides to reach out is hard. They feel like it’s never enough and the truth is it’s not. But if it’s all he can do then it’s something. I ponder if that’s even my job, helping them hold compassion for a man who walked away and moved on with his life like none of us mattered? All I can think is that eventually they may wish they had any relationship with him and if I don’t foster some compassion for him then will they ever accept what he can offer?

I don’t know if I’m doing it right but I’m doing this dance to the best of my ability. I’m trying to help them heal the hurt and anger while trying to heal my own hurt and anger. I am trying to make sure I do not put to much on them, but I also can’t do everything either. It’s a balancing act that some days I feel I fail at miserably and then other times I think I’m doing it pretty well.

I’m proud of my kids for speaking up and owning their hurts and pain. I am also incredibly sad that they have to. This isn’t always the man their dad was, this was exactly the kind of man he despised. How does a person become the type of person they once despised? That I don’t have the answer to.

I am a single mom now and that role is exhausting. I get tired of being told that I’m going to be ok. Nothing about this is ok. It’s just the only option I have and I’m determined to do the best I can at it. I won’t ever feel good about being forced into this situation but I’m glad that my kids know how much I love them and how hard I’m trying to take care of them. I’m proud of the fact that they know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will always take care of them. I will fight for them and fight the world if I have to on their behalf.